We are officially in the “I’ve lost track of time” stage of 2020. There have been days where we’re in such a creative mood that time seems to fly by, and days that feel … like … forever. There are days where we’re so grateful to be spending time with those we’re sharing our space with, and days where we just want to escape. In the event that the latter occurs, I thought I’d share with you a list of ways you can take advantage of this increased time together to not only shift the vibes but to also enhance the quality of your relationship.
When we can’t control the outside world, our mind starts to want to control and micro manage what is happening inside our homes instead. By doing so, the mind continues to feel a sense of control and security. However, since we cannot control how other people think and act, this shift in defence mechanism can place immense pressure on our relationships. As a result, we naturally start fighting more. But it doesn’t have to be this way. By bringing awareness and acceptance into the situation, and by consciously deciding to choose and entertain empowering thoughts and actions, we are able to change the outcome and the narrative for the better.
1- Give each other space to prioritize self-love.
Just because you’re both at home, doesn’t mean you need to spend all your time together. Giving each other space is extremely healthy, especially during these times. Give your partner and yourself the opportunity to develop self-love habits and practices that you can carry with you even after the lockdown has ended. Create a morning routine for yourself that nourishes your mind, body and soul. Once you wake up, avoid reaching for your phone. Instead take some time to nourish your mind by reading or listening to empowering podcasts, nourish your soul by meditating or journaling and nourish your body by engaging in movement that resonates with you. Once you dedicate the start of your day to your own health and well-being, you automatically place yourself in a better mood, making it much easier to experience the day in a more harmonious and loving manner alongside your partner. By consistently doing so, you turn this practice into a habit, a habit that is guaranteed to enhance the quality of your life for years to come.
2- Learn about each other’s interests
In a relationship, it’s imperative to have 5 sets of interests. Your own interests, your partner’s own interests, your interests that you choose to share with your partner, your partner’s interests that they choose to share with you and your mutually shared interests. When we show genuine interest in each other’s passions, we can develop a deeper and more intimate level of emotional connection. For example, if you love to paint, ask your partner if they would like to join you when you’re painting. As you paint together, explain to them why you enjoy painting and how it brings joy into your life. Or if your partner likes sport cars, ask them open ended questions about their favourite cars. Show genuine interest in each other’s passions and have fun sharing your hobbies with each other.
3- Create a vision board together
Right now, everyone has had to place their future plans on hold, causing a sense of despair. Put aside a few hours every week to sit down, hold hands and visualize what you both would like your future together to look like and transfer those dreams onto a blank canvas. Write down quotes that uplift and inspire you, cut out and print photos of places and things you’d like to manifest in your life together. Creating a vision board together will give you a sense of hope for the future and a belief that you’re going to get through this together.
4- Develop an attitude of gratitude
Over the years, I’ve noticed that one of the easiest tools to use to shift your attention from an unpleasant feeling to a joyous one is gratitude. By starting your day with a list of 3 things you’re each grateful for Andy going to bed with a list of 3 things you’re each grateful for, you consciously create more positive vibes. Furthermore, what you place your energy on, expands. By focusing on what you’re grateful for, you attract more of it into your life.
5- Using “I” statements
Often times disputes arise not because of the content but because of the tone and phrasing. Complaining is healthy, criticizing isn’t. This is the perfect opportunity to become more aware of the tone we use with our significant other and to set an intention to walk away from criticism. When communicating, it is important to always be loving and respectful, as we want to maintain the boundary of respect with one another. Therefore, a great tip is to use I statements. For example, if your partner keeps leaving dirty dishes around the house, instead of saying “You are …. I can’t keep cleaning up after you”, you choose to say, “ I feel overwhelmed when you leave dishes around. I would appreciate it if you could leave the dishes in the kitchen.” You’re bringing light onto the situation, instead of criticizing the person’s character. It’s about the dishes and not about the person being a certain way. The formula is when x happens, I feel y, and going forward I need z. This way, you’re speaking in a respectful way while still being extremely clear on how you would like the matter to be resolved.
6- Ask for consent
Have you ever tried to speak to your significant other and it seems as if they’re not listening. They’ve just come from work so you assume they have time but they’re not being responsive. One of the biggest game changers in communication is the art of asking for consent. Just because someone has time to listen to us, doesn’t necessarily mean that they have the mental capacity to process what we’re going to tell them too. Before you want to discuss a topic of importance with your partner, ask them if they have the time and capacity to both listen to you and engage. Be open to hearing both yes and no; “yes let’s speaking about it now”, or “no let’s speak about it at lunch tomorrow” Try to keep the window frame within 24 hours. This way when the discussion happens, you’re both fully committed to hearing the other person.
7 – Take time outs
Effective communication requires the willingness to listen to one another. Incorporate a time out card into your communication tool box. Whenever a dispute arises where you feel like you are not being heard or that the topic is spiralling out of control, take a time out. Let your partner know that it is best to take a break from the discussion and to return to it when you have both cooled off.
8- Extend support and express your needs
Everyone is experiencing this situation differently and feelings may change day by day. If your partner is having a difficult day, try to extend support, either directly or indirectly. Let them know that you’re there for them if they need help, or if they’re sounding really stressed out, brew them a cup of warm camomile tea or run a warm bath for them at night. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, let your partner know what they can do for you. Release this belief that they should just know what you need. People aren’t psychic, so it’s important to communicate your needs in clear way.
By developing empowering habits, exploring each other’s hobbies, scheduling in time for ‘hopes and dreams’, developing an attitude of gratitude, and strengthening your communication skills, you begin to enhance the quality of your relationship. Remember, these are unprecedented times and everyone is trying their best, so try to be patient and loving with yourself as you navigate through this.
Thank you for reading,
Love & Light,
Tannaz Hosseinpour, Founder of Minutes on Growth Coaching
